


Hold me tight or don't

by Kinwolf107



Series: I was an island [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Everyone Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, My First Fanfic, Opal is dead, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Rose is a creep pass it on, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21606922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinwolf107/pseuds/Kinwolf107
Summary: First fic to any fandom.I'm not very good at summarys so give me a moment.------------Opal passes away. And bede hurts. After all that was his foster grandmother. One of the few people that actually cared about him. So bede locks himself away. He attempts to end it. But gets found by the others.That it that's the summary
Relationships: Beet | Bede & Yuuri | Gloria, Beet | Bede/Hop (Pokemon)
Series: I was an island [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557256
Comments: 9
Kudos: 89





	1. It wasn't a problem

Bede leaned against the door to his room sobbing silently. It had been a few weeks since opal had died. Since his foster grandmother had left him. Since his whole world fell apart. The league had tried to reach out quite a few times. Bede took in a shaky breath. sliding down to the floor. It hurt so much.

He began to stay in his room more often than not. Leaving only to eat. He hadn't answered any of his calls. He had received a few hundred of them. All from different people of the league. He wondered how they got his number. He vaguely remembered giving gloria his number a long time ago. Right now he wished he hadn't. Closing his eyes he sighed and rolled onto his side letting a few hot tears roll down his cheeks. He curled in on himself. As he slowly drifted off to sleep. His rotom phone started ringing again. 

bede's eyes snapped open. He screamed. It felt so real. He hated these nightmares. They started when he was in the orphanage. And had continued ever since. He remembered how opal would hold him when he woke up. Screaming always. It hurt. Why did it hurt so much. The sound of banging on his door shook him from his thoughts. For a split second he thought the last few weeks had been a dream. That opal was at his door. There to hold him, tell him it would be okay. He looked at the door. hoping opal would walk through any second. But all his hope shattered the moment a knock sounded again and a voice spoke up

"bede are you okay? I heard you screaming. You have to come out. Everyone is worried. Bede come out please." It was gloria bede opened his mouth but no sound came out. He tried again "I'm fine, leave me alone gloria." please he wanted to add but didn't His voice was weak and horse. He hated it. 

He heard the doorknob jiggle. Before a loud bang sounded from the door. "Gloria don't you dare bust my door down" "then come out of ur damn room you daft twat" another bang. He couldn't be sure if she was ramming into the door or kicking it. He found he didn't really Care. He hoped she'd give up soon.

After about 13 more attempts. He counted. She gave up and stomped away. Leaving him alone to his thoughts again. Suddenly he found himself wanting her to come back and save him. Save him from himself. "Please come back" he whispered after a long moment.

Blood dripped down his wrist. He stared at the red that leaked from each cut. He knew what he was doing was wrong. But it made the pain go away. Even if it was just a temporary solution. He stared at his bloodied wrist. the cuts traveled up his lower arm and back. When had it come to this? He didn't Really know. It had been a week at least since Gloria first visited. After that she kept visiting. She would sit at his door and just talk. She had stated bringing different people with her to talk. He never responded except for the occasional 'go away'. He was getting worse. He knew that. Yesterday he hadn't even left his room to grab food. He didn't Wanna leave today either. So he didn't he sat on his bathroom floor. Not even bothering to clean himself of the blood. No one was going to come in anyway. That's what he thought at least. As he drifted in and out of consciousness. 

The door to bede's room opened with a click. Marnie, hop and gloria walked in slowly in a single file line. Victor wasn't There only because he was busy working with leon on some project for the battle tower. Marnie pocketed her hair pins and looked around. The room was mostly clean. the only exception being the bed and the area around it. It was clear that's where bede had been staying the most. Oddly enough though there was no bede in the room. Gloria scanned the room and started looking under things and behind them. Hop felt like they were trespassing and shouldn't be there. Despite the fact it had been over 2 months since bede had left his room. Gloria had been talking to him through the door. For 3 weeks now she had been talking to him and he hadn't said much back. It was worrying everyone. Hop shook his head. They needed to be here to help bede. They couldn't sit idly anymore. They had given him time and listened to him. But he wasn't Getting better that way. A small whimper sounded from the bathroom. So small hop was certain the others hadn't heard it. He walked into the room slowly. He pushed the door open with ease. What he saw next made his heart drop

Bede was leaned limply against the wall. Unconscious or dead hop hoped for the first option. Glanced back at the others who were now starting to follow him in. Hop looked back at bede. Creeping closer as slowly as he could he kneeled down next to him. It was then he noticed the blood. It covered his arms and was in a small puddle around bede. Gloria and Marnie started at the sight before them in shock. "Bede…" gloria said starting at kneel down next to hop. Marnie clenched her hands into fists. "I'm going to go get help.." she said in a small soft voice. Then she was gone.   
Hop cradled bede close to his chest. He wrapped his coat around the smallest.Not caring about the blood. Gloria held both of them.

Bede slowly opened his eyes only to be blinded by a bright light. He quickly shut them back and started to cover his eyes with his arm. A searing burning pain stopped. Suddenly he remembered what he had done. He had no idea how he ended up in a bed though. He had been laying against his bathroom wall when he lost consciousness. He tried to open his eyes again this time successfully. He looked around. He wasn't in his room. He was in what looked like a hospital. But that couldn't be right could it? Suddenly the door opened allowing victor to come in. His eyes widened seeing that bede was awake. And glaring right at him. Victor pulled out his rotom phone quickly and whispered something to it. He then put it away and stepped closer. Bede turned away. Ignoring the burn from his arm. Victor sat down in the chair beside tge hospital bed. Victor had always been the quiet one from the group sometimes even quieter then Marnie. So it wasn't Very surprising when he didn't Say much. Bede was happy he didn't. Bede glanced over his shoulder at him and glared. Glared to the best of his ability given the pain he was in. Victor looked towards the door as if waiting for something. Suddenly it clicked what Victor had whispered into his rotom phone for. He had let the others know he was awake. Suddenly all bede wanted to do was run. Get as far away as possible. He couldn't though and he knew that Victor was stronger than him. And even if he got away he would run into the others and they would stop him. Dread filled him. He didn't Want this. He wished they hadn't brought him here. Wished they would have never found him. He must have done something to show his distress. because Victor was suddenly holding his hand it was a firm grip but just loose enough for him to pull away. Bede wanted so bad to pull away. Yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. Just as victor opened his mouth to say something. Hop and gloria swung the door open and were next to him. 

Gloria and hop exchanged a look. And gloria opened her mouth "bede, what the ell. You coulda killed yourself. If Marnie hadn't picked yer lock you woulda died!" She was yelling but it wasn't.. it wasn't out of anger she was just that worried about him. Bede tied to hold back his tears as best he could. His body shook from trying so hard not to cry. He kept his lips shut tightly. Not making a sound. He could feel their eyes on him. Gloria started to talk again this time quieter. He didn't Bother to pay attention to whatever she had to say. He was too busy trying not to cry. He was pulled into a sitting up right position and then right into someone's chest he could only assume it was victor. Because it couldn't be hop or gloria. This person didn't Have any sort of chest. And there wasn't Fluff in his face as if he had been pulled into hop. But the voice that was hushing and whispering softly to him. It was definitely hop. He vaguely heard two set of feet walk away. He held tightly onto Victor or hop or whoever this was. He held on for dear life and shook violently.

At some point he had passed out. When he woke up, his face was still pressed into who ever this was. He pulled his head back slightly to see who it was. It was hop. He had laid down with bede in the hospital bed. And was cuddling him. He didn't Have his jacket. Bede couldn't remember a time when he didn't. It confused bede. where was his jacket? Had he been in such a rush to come see bede that he left wherever he was without it? Hop's eyes slowly fluttered open. he looked at bede. His eyes showed no indication of what he was feeling. Bede really wished they did. Especially with what he asked bede "why didn't You say anything?" Bede's eyes widened slightly. As he was pulled back into hops chest. Bede began to struggle. He didn't Wanna talk about it. Didn't want to hear about it. He wanted nothing to do with it. Hop just held on tighter. Something hit bede like a stack of bricks. What was going to happen to the gym? To his pokemon? What was the league going to do about him? Without him? "Bede" hop began "the league just wants you to get better right now. Everything else can wait." Hop said pulling bede away from his chest slightly to look at his face. The smaller looked like a cornered animal. Eyes wide, body tense, he was shaking like crazy, even his breathing was frantic. Pulling him back into his chest. nuzzling his wooloo like hair. It was messy normally. But it had gotten worse since opal. Hop hadn't realized just how close the two were. He didn't think anyone had. Bede's breathing slowly calmed down. Hop listened to it for a while. Before he pulled the white haired male from his chest. They had him on a lot of medications because of all the crying and thrashing he was doing in his sleep. So the purpose haired male wasn't too surprised when he pulled bede back and found him fast asleep again already. He then glanced down at bede's arms. They both had thick layers of bandages on them. Even though hop only remembered one bleeding. He could always be wrong. If there was one thing he learned from working with Sonia it was. You can always be wrong. 

Bede stirred slightly in his sleep nuzzling even closer to hop. The white haired male whimpered ever so slightly. A noise that made hop jump. holding him closer. Hop looked over his shoulder and two the door


	2. I'll be good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shot up from the bed. Grabbing at his hair. He couldn't hold back the tears...

The door opened slowly, revealing a short female nurse. The nurse smiled softly. Walking closer she stopped right beside the bed taking a glance at bede. Still wrapped in his arms asleep. "Hello I'm nurse cherry." She said softly. Voice quiet as to not wake bede. She looked at the monitors. Making sure bede was ya know alive Hop smiled softly "hop" he said slightly louder than he should have been. Nurse cherry shushed him quickly. "You aren't a relative or boyfriend are you?" She asked. She tilted her head to the left. trying to remember bede's file off the top of her head. She couldn't remember bede having any family listed. Or a significant other. The only emergency contact that was listed was opal the former fairy gym leader. At least that's what she thought. She couldn't be sure. Because she wasn't looking at his file. Hop shook 'no' his head and looked at bede. She frowned it was common knowledge now that opal had passed. Meaning bede had no one as an emergency contact. If he wanted to leave they couldn't do much to stop him. She opened her mouth to speak preparing herself to tell hop to leave. She paused though when she saw bede started to stir. He stilled himself shortly after. She waited a moment watching the white haired male. "I'm sorry, but visitation is over." She said closing her eyes and sighing. She hated this part. Hop nodded slightly and looked at bede again. slowly he began to try and pull himself away. The shorter was quick to grab hold of the purple haired male. Hop froze. And waited a moment. Looking over his shoulder to the nurse. Who nodded and walked out the room. That was ...that was not what he wanted. One of his eyes twitched slightly. Sighing he tried to get up again. Succeeding this time around. As he was turning to walk away. He felt a small grip on his wrist. He turned around slowly and saw that bede was awake. Barely awake. But awake. 

Hop looked at his wrist and then at bede. Who didn't Seem aware of him holding the talers wrist. "Jacket 'ere is it" he muttered sleepily. His voice was awful. But then again this was the first time hop had heard it. Since he locked himself away. His eyes were half lidded. He looked cute. Hop thought. quickly scolding himself. He couldn't be thinking like that right now. Bede was hurt. He probably wouldn't remember this. But hop didn't Wanna chance it. "I left it at home" he lied. In all actuality it had been thrown away. The blood hadn't wanted to come out. Bede didn't need to know that though. Bede nodded slowly his grip slowly loosening. And his eyes sliding shut all the way. Hop decided right then and there he'd be the first one back when visiting hours opened tomorrow.

Bede opened his eyes slowly. He had on his old jacket. One that he held so close when he was younger. More Stupid. Just the feeling of the coat being on his body made him gag. His eyes grew wide at the realization of where he was. He was back in chairman Rose's office.   
His breathing was becoming more sporadic. He started to back up. When his back hit the wall. He jumped. turning to face the wall. At the tip of his tongue was a mantra of different pleas. He wanted to scream and yell. But he couldn't. His mouth wouldn't open. He heard something behind him move. Quickly he spun around. And he could have sworn his heart stopped right at that moment. It was the chairman himself. Bede felt tears prick his eyes. He felt his mouth moving. Yet he couldn't hear a sound. 

He shot up from the bed. Grabbing at his hair. He couldn't hold back the tears that fell from his eyes. He couldn't do this. Not anymore. Not without opal. She had always held him. And never asked what had happened. It was almost like she already knew. He brought his knees to his head Hiding it. Finally a sob tore out of his throat. Something was going on around him. He could tell what. All he knew was how much he wanted it too stop. He had made so much progress with opal. The nightmares had been becoming less frequent. He didn't Feel so scared of doing something wrong. He was doing so well she'd say.   
He felt a hand on his back. It was gentle. Rubbing soft circles in. He couldn't help but be sent back to the nightmare. He flinched and the hand was quickly pulled away. He glanced up. Gaze blurry with fear. He could barely make out anything. What he could make out were blobs color.   
The closest one being purple. Leon? Hop? He couldn't tell. But They surely wouldn't let anything happen to him. Leon was to kind a person. And hop was one of the few people he thought of as a friend. That word struck its own worries. But Slowly he began to calm down. His breathing became slower and more regular. And his vision was back for the most part. When he looked back at whoever that purple blob was. His heart stopped for a fraction of a second. It was hop, gloria, Victor, and marine. How much had they seen of his breakdown. Did he say anything. He couldn't remember anyone telling him he talked in his sleep. But they could have been just trying to be nice. Arceus he really hoped he didn't say anything. He didn't want pity. He didn't want them to look at him strangely. Or think differently of him. He found his breathing was becoming frantic again. He tried to force himself to calm down. It wasn't Working as well as he had hoped   
Gloria was the first to move towards him pulling him into a tight hug. Shushing him. He closed his eyes. And for a moment thought opal was doing it. Thought he was back in his room. Opal was alive. Everything was going so well. When he opened his eyes. reality reared its head. Smacking him straight in the face. Like a machamp from the wild zone. Opal was gone, he was in a hospital. For something that if he was being honest wasn't His intent. But now he really wished he'd succeeded. that was probably the scariest part of it all. Gloria started to realise him from her hug. The white haired male was quick to try and pull her back. 'Please don't leave me' his thoughts screamed. He hadn't even realized he'd held on tighter. Bede must have said something. because gloria tightened her grip on him. He looked up from the crook of Gloria's neck. He stared at the others. They looked stunned. Hop was missing his jacket again. He was wearing his professors coat however. So bede guessed that explained it. 

After a while of gloria just holding him and him holding her back. He was as calm as he was going to get. she pulled away from him. And went to sit in a chair nearby. Ready to pull him in and hold him. Marnie was sitting next to her. She looked slightly uncomfortable. But that was understandable. Her and bede had never gotten along very well. Then again neither had he and hop. Yet hop cuddled him yesterday. Even after all bede had done to him. Bede felt his hands clench into the sheets of the hospital bed. Hop and victor were on the other side of him. Watching his every move. It's like they were expecting him to try and jump out the window. And although the idea was appealing. Bede didn't Want to scare some bystander. Bede didn't want to talk. But the silence was unbearable. "Who found me?" bede asked voice hoarse form how little he had used it in the last few months. But he wanted to apologize to the person. Glancing around the room everyone had looked away each of them looking at something different. Bede felt his hands twitch grabbing hold of the sheets firmly. He took a deep breath. "Who found me?" He found himself asking again louder and slightly angry. He didn't Know why. Everyone jumped slightly at bede's tone. Bede himself jumped. Hop jumped the most however. And with that bede knew who had found him. Hop had. A piece of a recent puzzle was clicked into place suddenly.   
Hop's jacket… he ruined it. That's why hop was wearing a lab coat and wasn't Wearing it yesterday. Bede closed his eyes trying not to cry. He couldn't believe he ruined hop's jacket. He was so stupid! He hung his head in an attempt to not cry. But also out of guilt. That was a jacket hop had held so close and he ruined it. 'Why do I ruin everything' bede's brain screamed. At some point during bedes small mental breakdown. He was having those a lot lately Hop noted. At some point hop had gotten up from his seat. He looked over a gloria as if asking what next. When gloria didn't Say anything. Hop reached for bedes face and gently holding it. Almost Immediately bede flinched back. Fear had filled his eyes. Hop looked at gloria and Marnie before turning to victor. They all looked surprised by bedes sudden moment. Hop looked back to bede. His heart ached with what he saw. Bede stared at him wide eyed, small tears slowly dripping down his face, the look of fear on bedes face was undeniable. In the past when hop had touched bede. All he had done was tense up. Had he been trying to hold this back. The whole time every nudge. Every push. He'd been holding this much fear inside. What was he so scared of though? Was he just that scared of physical contact? No. That wasn't it. He didn't tense or anything when gloria, opal, or Marnie touched him. Something had happened. Hop reached out again slowly. Hop stopped though. When he realized bede was shaking slightly. And he was. Muttering something under his breath. Hop pulled his hands back. And tried to read bedes lips. He wasn't Very good at it but he had to try. The only word he could make out that was 'please'. Who did this to bede, When had it happened, Why had it happened, What happened. Hop nodded to gloria. Or marnie he didn't care currently. Telling them to calm him down. Marnie went to sit up getting the memo. But gloria was faster and was at his side quickly.  
Bede was frozen in place. "Bede it's okay we're not going to hurt you." Gloria said softly.  
Bede looked at her at the same time he wasn't Looking at her.  
Victor and Marnie had no idea what to do. And both decided after a few seconds of nothing happening to go get something for everyone to eat. Bede had to be hungry no one knew when he last ate. He looked even frailer then before opal died. "Why didn't we break in sooner? We could have prevented this." Victor asked himself mostly. Marnie sighed "there was no way for us to know. It's not like any of us really knew him. It was just good we got to him when we did. Imagine how bad that could have been if gloria hadn't gotten us together to bust in. Bede would have died ...I think the worst part was that bede had that 'stuff' in his room the whole time. There was no way he went out and bought those razors." The words stung her throat but she couldn't bring herself to stop. "What if he'd been doing that stuff the whole time and nobody knew. And that raises more questions. Because I snuck a peek at his file. while a nurse was away. Victor Bede has been in the hospital quite a lot in the past. I couldn't read the details before the nurse came back. But there were at least 10 different visits. Victor….I think he's done this before. He might not have ever stopped. And what we saw when hop tried to touch him…" she continued to ramble   
victor couldn't keep listening. He the way bede had looked when hop hugged him the day before popped into his mind. He was tense. It was like he was expecting something to happen. When he fell asleep he wouldn't let hop go. It was like he was a life line. So hop decided to stay with him until visitation was over. Victor and gloria stayed around for another hour or so before they both had to leave. The gym challenge would be starting again soon. And they needed a stand in for bede while he recovered.  
Victor was pulled from his thoughts when they walked into the restaurant. They had decided that the hospital cafeteria food wouldn't be as good as something from somewhere else.  
When they returned hop was standing outside reading something. It looked like a league card. Victor remembered bede giving his league card to both him and gloria. He hadn't read it but gloria had. And although her opinion on bede hadn't changed. Her view on something's had.   
Gloria held bede close as he trembled in her arms still calming down. His eyes were red and puffy from crying he was whispering something to gloria or himself. But judging by the look on Gloria's face it wasn't good

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda short for now but. I hope you enjoyed this please leave me some delicious feed back. and let me know if you liked this story and if I should continue.  
> thank you!


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